What is Will Thinking: 02/2006

Biolage

So like, I have a real bad problem with remembering things. Unless they're completely unimportant. I remember that the dog's name on the Brady Bunch was Tiger, but I can't remember correct syntax for pulling a parameter off a URL string. I need to use the parameter thing a couple times a week and I always have to look it up. I have never had reason to remember that stupid dog's name even once, but guess which one I know.

I once got really drunk in New Orleans at a karaoke bar where they were giving away free shots for every obscure song you could name. I got 7 in a row in about a minute, then they told me I could only do one more so they could let other people play. They played some weird 80's cheesy pop song that little girls listened to way back then, and told me I had to name the artist and the song. It was Two Of Hearts, by Stacey Q. Over to the left a little, you'll notice I'm a suburban white guy. Stacy fucking Q. How sad is that?

My old navy buddy from San Diego invited me to be his best man a couple years back. I kept forgetting the date of the wedding, which of course would put a bit of a kink in the whole best man thing. Knowing he knew my predicament, I challened him to tell me something stupid and unimportant a few months before the wedding and never mention it again. He told me the brand of shampoo his future wife had just bought. Fast forward a few months. I made it to San Diego, picked up my tux, met the bride, etc. That night at his bachelor party, we were at a strip club drinking with half-naked beautiful girls all around. We were hanging around with a few members of his groomsmen. He was just about to get married to a great girl the next day.

I leaned over to him and said one word:

Biolage.

Chicken shit

So like, I've got this old navy buddy who invited me to be the best man at his wedding a couple years ago. I hadn't seen him in awhile, and I was more than happy to oblige. All around nice guy. Expecting a baby here in a couple weeks, but I'm getting off the subject.

The matron of honor is this girl who is best friends with my buddy's wife. This girl is married to some dude who appears to be successful, yet nobody actually knows what he does for a living. He's apparently some sort of businessman, but he seems to be pulling in way more bucks than you'd think for what he says he does. Anyway, this guy apparently doesn't care too much for me. I don't know if he was jealous of the way I escorted his wife at the wedding or what, but apparently they had an argument that somehow involved me. No idea why, and I don't especially care.

A year or so back, this dude finds a cellphone at the airport and calls one of the numbers labeled "Mom" stored in it to try to return it. Nice thing to do. Mom says her son is always losing cellphones, and asked him to return it to William Drayton. William Drayton is the given name for Flavor Flav. Apparently Flavor Flav was pretty happy to get his phone back, and becomes buddy-buddy with this dude, even giving him a shout-out on a talk show he was on. A few social meetings happen where this dude and the matron of honor are the only white folks there, etc.

Fast forward to recently. Apparently the dude loaned his BMW to Flavor Flav, and hasn't seen it since. Matter of fact, he had to buy another car to replace it. So now they have 3 car payments, because dude is too chicken shit to ask for his car back.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

*gasp*

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

This post is now tagged Flavor Flav and William Drayton and chicken shit.

Good old Vanilla ice

It's always nice to check back and see what former one-hit wonders are doing nowadays. Case in point: Vanilla Ice.

For some reason, this poser will not just go away. I mean, this dude has lied about so much stuff, like being homies with Luther Campbell from 2 Live Crew (Luther said he'd never met him), to the Suge Knight thing (who laughed at that "incident"), to ripping off Queen's "Under Pressure" and saying his hook was completely different. Whatever.

It's fun to notice people's speech mannerisms and listen to the words they use alot. Vanilla Ice's word seems to be "underground". His album is called Platinum Underground, which seems to be an oxymoron to me. He also talks about listening to a lot of "undergound" music, like Funkadelic, Rick James, and Parliament.

To paraphrase Indigo Montoya from The Princess Bride, "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means".

Anyway, here's the link:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/discussion/2006/02/16/DI2006021601769.html

Oooo, a new conspiracy theory about Cheney

OK, so one of my co-workers here is a pretty staunch conservative Republican. Actually that describes everyone I work with that actually has a political opinion save me. Anyhoo, he just came to me with an interesting conspiracy theory about the Cheney shooting over the weekend. Here goes:

Cheney never actually accidentally shot anyone, but it's leaked that he did
Democratic party members naturally pretend they're outraged and try to mount some sort of campaign to remove Cheney from office, starting with taking him to task for withholding details about the shooting from the public. This part's already started. Read about it here.
Since Cheney's political career is widely viewed as topped out, the White House and party officials urge Cheney to step down.
Condoleeza Rice suddenly becomes second in command. No way Democrats are going to protest a black woman as second in command of the free world.
The exposure Condoleeza Rice gets from being the interim VP is enough momentum to keep the GOP in power for the next eight years or so.

Would this be a bad thing? As a southern Democrat (a label I'm quite fond of), I'm numb enough from the past few years to not be surprised. As a citizen, this would really make me less fond of politicians, and that's quite a statement. Right now I'm more happy with the crust that forms on the mustard bottle cap than I am with your average politician. At least you don't have to wait four years and convince everyone else to clean the friggin' mustard bottle with you.

Anyway, if this happens, remember you read it here first. Thanks to Tom for formulating this theory.

What does lightning look like from 20 meters away?

Well, I have the answer. This link includes a really cool pic

Strike me lucky: no flash required as close call caught on camera - National

Motel money murder madness

Sometimes it's dangerous for me to have Rhapsody here at work. Following around goofy trains of thorught with an almost unlimited library of music can be kind of funny.

I was on a hair metal kick about an hour ago and came across Def Leppard, which I really liked in junior high and high school. When they did the intro of Rock of Ages (that Gunter glieben glauchen globen part), I thought that might be a cool name for one of my former bosslady's racehorses. Could you imagine some poor announcer having to say that really fast during a race? I made office roomie shoot snot out of his nose when I told him that a few minutes ago.

Military supporters outnumber protesters from anti-gay group - Thursday, 02/09/06

These guys in the news again. I guess last time was just a notification that they were coming to town. I have no idea how people can convince themselves that this is a good idea.

Military supporters outnumber protesters from anti-gay group - Thursday, 02/09/06

Open letter to Robert Langdon

Since The DaVinci Code is coming soon to a theater near you, I thought I'd share a little something I found after reading Angels & Demons and The DaVinci Code.

Dear Dr. Langdon:

I am a big fan of your work, but I cannot help but notice a pattern in the conspiracies that you seem to stumble across. As a concerned citizen, I feel it's my duty to help you the next time you get a call in the middle of the night to look at a dead body.

1. Every secret society is real. Do not doubt this at any time. This is usually not too much of a concern with you, but it still needs to be said. Also, the Catholic Church knows of them, and does not like them at all.

2. The victim will have a hot female relative who is insanely smart and is the key to you solving the mystery. You'll need to contact her as soon as possible. Fortunately, she'll also be the first female you meet, so it should be relatively simple to find her.

3. The person who killed the victim is a religious nut. However, he is only a henchman and will be easy to find once you locate the mastermind.

4. The police force you deal with is procedural and bureaucratic. Their leader will be at odds with you. He may even be trying to impede your progress. He is not the mastermind.

5. You will be offered full resources by someone with the power to help you in your time of need. When his back is turned, knock him the fuck out. He is the mastermind, and is not to be trusted.

6. The hot girl? She digs you. Go for it.

I think that's all you need to know the next time you see an ornate symbol on a dead man that hints at the existence the Knights of Aragon, a secret organization that has been the protectors of the Spear of Destiny. Hopefully I'll same you some time and energy.

It seems someone else has noticed a bit of, um, parallelism with those two novels.

Ladies...... he's single!

And I wonder why...

The Uber-Review: Man Goes Bankrupt Building Starship Voyager Home.

Where the hell is Breda?

So like, a week ago I got accepted into the Google Analytics beta program. I hooked up a couple of the websites (www.inspectionsolution.com and www.remarketingsolution.com) I worked on for my company with the Javascript that Google Analytics uses to track stuff. Turned out pretty interesting. Not only do those sites get way more hits than I thought (a few hundred per day - I thought not more than 20 or so), but since Google Analytics shows the geo-locations of where the hits are coming from, we're getting hits from some fairly obscure places. Case in point: RemarketingSolution.com got 4 hits from Camberwell, Australia and one hit from Breda. So where the hell is Breda? Wikipedia to the rescue! I read the wikipedia entry, which is interesting enough in a book report kind of way. I'm still curious as to why someone in Breda would want to visit my company's webpage. Who knows. Anyway, here's the link to Breda. Welcome, whoever you are.

Breda - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Thinking about the Super Bowl

OK, I know it's not hard to find a story about the Super Bowl since it was just yesterday, but I thought I'd spout a few thoughts.

1.) The game was OK. It wasn't the most exciting in recent history, but it wasn't a blowout or anything. There's not a lot to comment about the actual game, other than...

2.) Rocky Bernard, #99, Seahawks defensive tackle. I love when big fat guys get out in the open field. Something funny always happens, and Rocky was no exception. For a few seconds after Kelly Herndon's interception, big Rocky was chugging downfield. He wasn't just giving a cursory effort to impress the coach or looking to cream one of the O-line folks (ala Warren Sapp). Ol' Rocky was moving. After about 20 yards or so, he went gimpy with what looked like an extreme ass injury. Good luck on your recovery, Rocky Bernard. The wife and I didn't mean anything by laughing so hard when your ass started hurting.

3.) Everybody talks about the commercials, including me. I didn't really have a dog in the hunt as far as a team to root for, so the commercials also became part of the show for me. Trouble is, this was a really subpar year for super bowl commercials. MacGyver's commercial was probably the tops, but the "pricless" shtick is starting to wear a little thin for me. GoDaddy.com is still hurting from Janet Jackson a couple years ago. The CareerBuilder.com commercials with the monkeys are wearing out their welcome. I'm starting to think Budweiser views its Clydesdales as a national treasure or something. It's like they think we're keeping up with all their commercials, and they just build on top of the earlier ones. I feel like I missed the first half season of 24 and then started watching. Finally, since Disney owns ABC which owns ESPN, a third of the commercials were that company advertising in its own forum. Must've had a hard time selling 30 second spots for $2 million. I almost forgot, those companies that bought spots but showed their old commercials - why bother?

4.) The halftime show. Have the Rolling Stones done anything in the last 20 years? I read that there was a 5 second tape delay to bleep out bad language and questionable lyrics. Doesn't everyone know the lyrics to Satisfaction and Start Me Up be now? You can also tell that our parents are in charge of the country now. Who the hell besides a baby boomer listens to the Rolling Stones? Worse than that, what non-boomer would book them as halftime entertainment? Jeez, shouldn't Mick be relegated to wearing long sleeves in public after that show? He could've killed someone with the jiggling arm-flab. I don't see how hard it would be to have a halftime show featuring someone who has at least had a radio-played hit in the last 5 years or so. Isn't Kid Rock from Detroit? How about Eminem? Janet Jackson, why couldn't you have just leaked a sex tape or something else to get your attention-whore fix? See what you've done?

Damn...

Oooooo, remote control air darts

Office roomie and I are totally getting a pair of these when they get back in stock.

Here's a video of them in action

Aim and shoot them with your mouse. He's going down!

I can't wait. I am such a nerd.

This irritates the shit out of me

http://www.tennessean.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060203/NEWS01/602030391/1001

In that text, these people actually say that God weapon against America is IEDs. I guess God didn't have anything better lying around.

What's worse is that they rationalize protesting a military funeral service. Can someone explain that logic? Extremely disrespectful and tasteless.

Apparently these idiots think that God hates America because the country has been taken over by gays. God's punishment is killing American troops in Iraq. Does this mean they think the republican right wing is all gay? They're the majority, they've taken over, so that means they're gay.

Wasn't it religious wackos that elected the current idiot(s) to begin with?

I swear I don't understand religious nuts.