Open letter to Robert Langdon

Since The DaVinci Code is coming soon to a theater near you, I thought I'd share a little something I found after reading Angels & Demons and The DaVinci Code.

Dear Dr. Langdon:

I am a big fan of your work, but I cannot help but notice a pattern in the conspiracies that you seem to stumble across. As a concerned citizen, I feel it's my duty to help you the next time you get a call in the middle of the night to look at a dead body.

1. Every secret society is real. Do not doubt this at any time. This is usually not too much of a concern with you, but it still needs to be said. Also, the Catholic Church knows of them, and does not like them at all.

2. The victim will have a hot female relative who is insanely smart and is the key to you solving the mystery. You'll need to contact her as soon as possible. Fortunately, she'll also be the first female you meet, so it should be relatively simple to find her.

3. The person who killed the victim is a religious nut. However, he is only a henchman and will be easy to find once you locate the mastermind.

4. The police force you deal with is procedural and bureaucratic. Their leader will be at odds with you. He may even be trying to impede your progress. He is not the mastermind.

5. You will be offered full resources by someone with the power to help you in your time of need. When his back is turned, knock him the fuck out. He is the mastermind, and is not to be trusted.

6. The hot girl? She digs you. Go for it.

I think that's all you need to know the next time you see an ornate symbol on a dead man that hints at the existence the Knights of Aragon, a secret organization that has been the protectors of the Spear of Destiny. Hopefully I'll same you some time and energy.

It seems someone else has noticed a bit of, um, parallelism with those two novels.